Dependencies Can Broken

Tamra - Dalton, Georgia
Entered on June 21, 2007

I believe addictions can be overcome. While living in a large city I would see beggars at the traffic lights holding up signs saying, “Homeless Need Food.” I knew the money they would receive for their day’s effort would be going for alcohol and drugs, not food. “That will never be me,” I would say to myself as I passed the joint to my friend and took a swig of beer. I have control. I am in charge. I always had a good job and a nice place to live. So, living on the street and begging for sustenance seemed such a foreign concept for me.

Years past and the occasions to use alcohol and drugs seemed to grow everyday. This was a way of life I had inherited from my father and it would eventually take over my entire existence. The buzz seemed more difficult to achieve. The intoxicants seemed to progress to harder and harder substances. I remember thinking to myself that someday I was going to wake up in a cardboard box if I wasn’t careful but it just didn’t seemed possible right then. I kept saying, “Tomorrow I’m going to put this stuff down.” Unfortunately, the next day I would be out trying to find more, tomorrow never seemed to arrive. My life was spiraling down a dead end street. I wasn’t in control. I wasn’t in charge.

They say you have to reach rock bottom to realize things are really that bad. I did. It wasn’t pretty. My job, my nice apartment, and my friends were all gone. At first I may have continued trying to find more drugs but the locks, the bars, and the hand cuffs kept that choice out of my control. Yes, it had become official; my secrets were now out for public display. Were it not for my mother and God, I might have found myself at that traffic light begging for food. Instead, I changed my “playgrounds and playmates” as they say and moved to a different town. I eventually enrolled in college, but I worried that all the drugs had fried my brain. Could a life with such potential be spoilt forever? I was amazed that my addiction changed from alcohol to knowledge, and I drank it in as thirstily as I did the booze. I just can not seem to fulfill my desire to learn. At least I don’t have to search through the wrong side of town to get a fix. My grades are excellent and I have been inducted into national honor societies. My life has returned to a more happy state. I am back in control. I am back in charge. As a survivor, I can say I believe with the strength of family and God addictions can be conquered.