In our broken hearted world, jaded by flaw, they say there is no such thing as perfection. I say, silence is perfect. I never did believe in the simple pleasures–the blooming jacarandas that announce spring and make the streets blush, or the way the world looks when it has finished crying and the sun begins to leak back in like a conciliatory hand offering second chances. My mind has always been too busy reviewing and repeating the inexorable influx of dilemma to even begin to notice things like that. However, I have found a medicine for this unfortunate condition which crowds the hole in my skull into which happiness is supposed to enter. I have found a cure, a golden beacon, the first simple pleasure in which I believe: Silence.
Every day, my mind overflows with convoluted dramas. A chaos churns inside me, it’s the constant string of curiosity, self doubt, self obsession, desire, love, hate, pain, euphoria, amazement, disillusion that spins like a nightmare’s carousel, faster and faster, louder and louder until I retract into it, afraid of the world, afraid of myself, and afraid of the innocuos people with whom I might converse. When I find silence and it’s vacant, glowing planes, I can let myself go, let myself fall…I can let myself find myself, and breathe, maybe, for a moment. Our love for language is so undying, using words until they are drained and threadbare, mutilating them, even, that we overlook the liberty that silence creates. It clears the smoke of sentences, those light and breezy, said with ease, and those contrived, so that we can feel the moment for what it truly is, and not what words make it out to be.
Most of all, in the silence, I have found safety. Unlike the ambiguous bodies you’ve known who could not pause to take the shape of a friend or loved one or even a person at all, silence is always there when you want it, when you need it. When Im standing quietly and completely alone where the crystalline blue waves like misplaced gems kiss the sand and there is not another soul for miles, the silence cradles me with it’s silk shawls, stronger then anybody’s promises, and I’ve never been less alone.
I have always wanted the comfort of somebody who can tell me everything is going to be okay, who can soothe me through panic, sombody who can tell me Im wrong when I insist the world is ending. In the absence of this comfort I have found a new one, one who has nowhere to rush to without me, one I can find under my pillow, at the beach, inside myself and with the people who I love most. The Silence tells me everything is going to be okay.
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