This I Believe

Leslie - Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Entered on June 19, 2007

This I believe:

Happiness is a choice.

Love is as much a decision as it is a feeling.

Strength is the willingness to try again.

Good things happen as often as bad.

And that I am not special, I am lucky!

There is a moment in every person’s life that blindsides them and unwillingly drops them to their knees. I always counted myself as resilient, strong, and capable. I never thought I would for a time see myself as: shattered, small, broken, and empty. It seemed impossible that I could loose sight of my simple beliefs even for a day. How is it possible that a lifetime of believing these self truths could seemingly be erased in one moment? It was as if my sole had amnesia and I had no sense of who I was anymore. I had lost not just what I believed in but what I knew to be true.

In my life this moment was the three to six months that followed being raped. I would get up and walk through my life trying to focus on one thing at a time. Concentration and focus were gone; instead there was a foggy veil over everything. I knew something was wrong, I was making mistakes and yet the obvious glaring truth was being ignored. That inner voice, “my psyche” would not allow it to be though. Flashing images, sleepless nights, and a general sense of dread became my life. Always on edge and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Intelligence and education offered me nothing on how to deal with this.

During this time I would eventually seek out the assistance and help I needed and during this process is when I started to listen to those beliefs again. They were not lost; they had just been buried for a time in the muck and mire of confusing thoughts. When you believe something so strongly that it influences how you behave, how you view the world and how you treat every circumstance and person you encounter they become who you are. It is your beliefs, good or bad, that define you; not family, job, status or circumstances.

Happiness is a choice.

Love is as much a decision as it is a feeling.

Strength is the willingness to try again.

Good things happen as often as bad.

I am not special, I am lucky.

This I believe!