When assigned to write a paper on what I believe my mind went to a thousand things that I believe. I believe my parents love. I believe if I tried harder I could loose more weight. I believe I will graduate from college. These few beliefs are all important and sure to me, but when I think on what in my life I believe the most, it would be that my life is not my own, I affect other in more ways than I can imagine, and most of all, I believe Jesus Christ was sent to earth, lived among men for 32 years, and died on an old rugged cross carrying my sins so that I could have eternal life.
2Timothy 1:12 says: For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. There is also an old hymn that says: I know not why God’s wondrous grace to me he hath made know; nor why, unworthy, Christ in love redeemed for his own. I know not what of good or ill may be reserved for me, of weary ways or golden days. Before his face I see. I know not how this saving faith to me he did impart, nor how BELIEVING in his word wrought peace within my heart. The chorus says: But “I know who I have BELIEVED in and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I‘ve committed unto him against that day.
I was raised nondenominational Church of God, and did what I thought I was supposed to do, some of the time. At time, the things I did were from my heart, but at other times they were done out of fear, and habit. When anything is done under those false pretenses, they will not last. I have not been in church for many years. There are days, months, and seasons that bring back fond memories of that little girl who went to church and sang, raised her hand in belief and testimony, and enjoyed the fellowship of other saints, and their children.
See, I am not a little girl anymore. I will never make it heaven on my mother’s apron strings. I am now responsible for my every word and deed. So why then do I not go back to that. I believe it is because I in my heart know there is more too my life and my personal relationship with God more than my godly dress and habits. I can dress modest all I want, but if my heart isn’t right, it doesn’t do any good and actually does more harm for deceiving myself and effecting my testimony with others thru my hypocrisy.
I am scared to death to leave my teachings, and scared to death to move forward and find truth. I know little about dress standards and some teachings, but of one thing I know for sure and that s that he who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. When I fail, God doesn’t throw me away, he will continually strive with man the bible says. I trust he will not give up on me. I am a broken, I’ve failed, and even been a disappointment to God and myself. I will never as long as I live forget God or what he has done for myself, my family, and my friends. I owe him everything. Everything that is good about me came from God, therefore I owe him my very life. I heard a song one time that said I was born to serve the lord, I believe that. The devil knows that too, that is why he is constantly after all of us to lie, deceive, and kill our very souls.
If right now, I was looking at the face of the one whom I owe my life too, I would tell him I believe in him, but more importantly I believe he would look back at me and say, “Rebekah, I believe in you.” That is why I will continue on my journey of life to attain more understanding and live better for him day by day because I believe that is my right, and my privilege to serve the lord.
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