I find myself at another passage in life. I’ve been married for 44 years, have two great children and two fabulous grandchildren and yet this is my most difficult challenge. I am 66 years old and my parents, 92 and 90, are being cared for by me and long distance by my sister. My dad is legally blind and my mom has dementia/Alzheimer, something that removes all memory. She knows her family when we’re with her but slowly she has forgotten her past life.
I think about this now because I seem to want to reconnect to my past. I’m about to have my 50th H.S. reunion and have connected to past friends and those I barely knew and yet, they make up the pictures of my life. I’ve tried to find out what happened to old camp pals that were so important in my life for a time. I guess I’m trying to complete the circle of memories and not forget.
As I see my mother fading from her past I realize what a gift it is to remember and want to hold on to my past. All memories are not great but al least I am here now and able to make new ones. My mother no longer knows her story. She asks if she was a good mother and we reassure her she was. She actually was quite difficult and yet she did her best. At least she isn’t disturbed by that knowledge and yet the price is too high to pay.
My son suggests we make a memory book. Not a bad idea!
I’ve been lucky. A child of the 50’s with little struggle and yet at this juncture I think about my life and those I’ve known. Where are they now, what are they doing? My mom tells me as I sit with her, “Roslyn, this will happen to you.” She has no filters and I don’t let it get to me, but I guess it does in some small way.
I’m going to try and complete the circle and remember to tell those old time friends that they made a difference in my life and hope I continue to remember. We are both our past and our future. This I believe.
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