THIS I BELIEVE
I believe that what doesn’t kill us strengthens us. Any trial we go through and rise out of, changes the way we look at things. I use to have stage fright when I would sing in front of a large audience. After repeatedly singing I am no longer nervous and it is one of the things I love most. It strengthened my self esteem and confidence with my voice. There is always something to be learned, in every situation.
Just recently I have come to believe that no trial, hardship or any kind of “bump in the road” can, symbolically or realistically, kill me. I have had some experiences that really brought me down! Two of these experiences are: loosing the one I loved and dealing with depression/bipolar. Toward the end of my 7th grade year, I noticed something about my moods and how quickly they could change and how low they could get. I had really bad self esteem that had not been triggered by anything apparent and I began to cut myself. This behavior continued inconsistently until the first semester of my senior year.
In September of 2005 I met Joey who I grew to love and who became so much a part of my life, in almost every aspect. I saw him everyday and we did almost everything together. Every time I made a decision I was thinking how it would affect him. Eventually problems arose, such as religious and parental problems and things slowly wedged between us. We grew apart until I lost him. Everything that I had known in my life was taken out from under me and nothing made sense any more. I just didn’t know what to do, and in a sense I had lost myself. I began not caring about things that once mattered to me and sadly enough I let my standards and morals fall. For almost a year I continued to live in a manner that I was not proud of and did not make me happy.
Finally in November of 2006 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder/depression. Finding this out opened my eyes and helped to explain my cutting and eminent mood swings. Discovering this about myself helped me approach things and deal with things differently, so my moods would not fluctuate as much. Soon after this discovery I had no reason or desire to cut.
February 17th marked the beginning of the biggest life changing experience for me. On this day I met Daniel. Daniel bluntly put things into perspective for me. He has helped me to realize who I am and what I want to do with my life. I now care for things that I once was so passionate about and I do only what I want and not what others expect.
All the trials I have gone through, including the few I have just shared, have made me the strong person that I am today and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. They have taught me about life and love and have given me knowledge, understanding, and experience. What I once thought would be my death is now what has made me strong, and whenever I have negative thoughts or think I’m not going to make it I think to myself; “God loves me. If he didn’t why would he have created me? And if he loves me, he does not want me dead. So the trials that I am put through must be for my sole benefit.” That is exactly what I believe. What does not kill me will strengthen me, in some way or another.