This I Believe

hazel ann - la quinta, California
Entered on June 1, 2007

Perception is Key

I believe that the most important key to living a genuine life is having a boundless perception. From having a broad view on everything, it has always been an natural instinct to never expect anything from anyone, good or bad, judgment should never be placed. Any view n any situation has many perceptions that will have a different effect that will be taken differently by every person that it affects directly or even indirectly.

Most people claim they know me or even claim to be my best friend and supposedly these people should know me very well if they were to answer questions about me. Personally, I find that I am very genuine to myself but to others I see a whole bunch of deceiving. You can’t assume a reason for a person to act the way they do because the way they take in things is different than another person may ever see things.

My whole life I’ve been abused at times physically but most times mentally. When I was little, I always thought that it wouldn’t affect me but looking back, I can say that it had a great impact on the person that I am today. It destroyed my self-confidence to trust others with my life and to this day I have not had the opportunity or even willingness to trust someone enough to tell them the absolute truth about me. Nonetheless, I feel that I have gone far enough to say that I am able to confront myself of my own flaws.

I’ve noticed that overall I tend to have a social deficiency when it comes to letting someone in my life. I am in constant need to paint a different image of the person that I am on the outside and always in fear that another person might find out too much about me.

From this I believe that everyone’s actions ultimately affects another person. It feels good making others happy and just knowing the fact that you made someone’s day by a random unconscious act of kindness just makes me feel rewarded. Ironically, I feel alone when everyone is so nice to each other because it doesn’t feel right being happy when I am genuinely fake as a person. These situations almost feel undeserving. People just come in and out of my life and everyday I see good deeds go unnoticed and less helpful ones praised. It is like a guilty pleasure when I try to find that sense of security that I never really had with a person.

Most people see me as a nice and quiet girl who doesn’t talk much unless I’m around friends or called upon. No one would ever be able to guess the kind of life I live everyday outside of school or work. I truly believe that taking control over your own perception is a way of building inner strength but at times can deceive and mislead you. I also believe that each persons perspective is as unique as everyone is different. It will always be impossible to see things the same way another person sees something and also how another person feels other than your how you take it in your own perspective.