This I Believe

katie - palm desert, California
Entered on May 31, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: Christianity

Hypocrite by katie Cox

Murder, gangs, fires, eathquakes, bombing, robberies; in other words calamity. These events occur at random. No one can predict them. When it happens, who is to say they feel safe? Most do not. I have experienced this fear and shock.

I grew up in a Christian home. I was born again when I was nine. I did all the Christian dos: go to church, go to youth group, go to mother-daughter bible studies. However, now as I get older, I realize I set myself up for a big fall.

More over, in my junior and senior year of high school I experienced my biggest let down. It was a church; I trusted them as a family. This church became my family because they were there for me in the most tragic event in my life, my father’s death. We had just moved to Palm desert from Idyllwild when my dad died; we did not know anyone. It was hard to acclimate but our church really supported us. I really got involved in the youth there. I was considered a favorite. My family was ripped from me when I got a boyfriend my junior year, drama happened. I slowly started disconnecting from the church; from not going to church on Sundays to not going to bible study at all.

Months went by when I received a phone call from one of the youth leaders, asking if I wanted to go on a youth trip, I said no. That was the last and only call I received from the church. I felt all they wanted was my money. I considered these people my family. I felt since I was not their favorite any more that I didn’t matter. I look back on this experience and see that I wasn’t putting my faith in God, I was putting my faith in people; I forgot to think that people make mistakes too.

I do believe Jesus is the son of God and everything the Bible says. I am grateful for the calamities in my life: my father’s passing, being let down by Christians, feeling completely alone, having an ill mother. I have become such a strong person. At this point in my life I do not call myself a Christian because I don’t feel worthy. I don’t want to bring shame to God’s name with so much crap and baggage in my life. I know he wants to help me but right now I can’t give it up. I see hypocrites everyday, like my mom. When I look back from now two years ago I seemed so weak. I took everything that people said and made them into my thoughts lined up with Christian leaders.

Now I say what I believe, not somebody else’s views. And so this is where I say what I believe. Abortion is the most passionate subject I can whole-heartily express my opinion. I believe abortion is killing a human life and feel we are not the judge to take someone’s life. A child is not supposed to be a mistake, but a gift.