I believe in an afterlife….or, at least, I used to believe…..and then….
You see, my father did NOT believe and for the last 25 years of his life, I tried to convince him that there is, most certainly, life after death.
I sent him every “Life After Life” book that came out…..I mean, wasn’t it PROOF that people from different countries, cultures and religions, ALL experienced the same things in a near death experience?
Nope. Not to my father. It was something chemical….some strange brain function.
OK…..then I sent him the VIDEOS on Life After Life when they came out. Surely NOW, actually watching and listening to these people…..????
Nope. They were delusional.
When John Edward and his “Crossing Over” TV program started airing, I was ecstatic. I mean….these random people show up to a taping, and John begins to get clear, DETAILED messages for them……from their deceased loved ones! THEY are in tears…..I am in tears.
THIS will do it! ”Daddy….you’ve GOT to watch this show!!!” I can’t wait to hear from him.
“Karen….it’s a hoax! Can’t you see?”
I gave up.
I even began to let some doubt creep in. Maybe I AM the Pollyanna my entire family seems to think I am. Maybe I just WANT so much to believe that our souls cannot just STOP being……that I’m allowing myself to be duped, and tricked. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m just naïve.
July, 2005. My father is 92. He is dying.
We’ve been with him for 36 hours….we’re exhausted. My sister leaves for home; I walk my mother over to her apartment on the assisted living side. I run home to get my pillow and some water for the night. I come back to my dad’s room.
I walk in……….and I KNOW that my Daddy is gone. His body is there, on the bed, as it was when I left not 15 minutes before….but clearly, my Daddy is NOT in the room. I call some nurses and aides in…..we circle the bed and they begin to share how sweet and dear he was, and how he was “so proud of his children, and used to talk about his granddaughter the singer/songwriter all of the time”…..of course, that would be ME, his daughter. I touched his sweet face and felt his soft white beard….and I cried.
I knew I had to go tell Mother, and I was dreading it. She was 90, had been with him for 70 years, and is suffering from dementia. I walked in to her apartment. She looked at my face and said…”Karen! You can’t have BAD news, because I have GOOD news! Daddy was just HERE!….no wait, how could that be? Was it a phone call? NO….he was just HERE! I was in the kitchen, and he came and stood behind me, put his hands on my shoulders, and said something very wise about the tea kettle. Karen…he was just HERE!”
What a parting gift my precious Father gave to me! After all those years of me trying to PROVE it to him, and beginning to doubt my own beliefs…..he PROVED it to me on his way out. I am relieved and overjoyed to once again believe that our loved ones are not gone, but simply, gone from our sight.
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