I believe that life will always be full of uncertainties, and there will always be a struggle between the uncertainties and will power. Despite exhibiting pretty strong will power life is full of moments where we are precariously balancing on the edge, hoping we don’t fall. Sometimes those uncertainties hide the truth and despite my desire to keep my emotions everything at bay, life’s uncertainties often get the better of me.
Case in point my dinner experience last Thursday. Sitting down to dinner the other day, it felt pretty ordinary just another day of eating whatever my parents decided to make. Out of my mouth came the words “I cannot believe high school is gonna be over.” Since, I had always previously and firmly upheld the conviction that I was happy to be finishing high school, I was surprised at what I did next. Sitting there, I started to cry right at the table, on top of my dad’s sausage and sauerkraut, just started bawling awkwardly. Of course this elicited no response from my parents until I asked them gosh what is wrong with me? I suppose I was wrong in thinking that my belief and opinions about high school were that I was better off without it and that perhaps it had little meaning. Despite all of my efforts to appease the feelings, I got swept away by an undercurrent. I suppose it is simply because something is ending, high school is ending.
Immune to life’s undercurrents, I am not, despite my firm belief that such emotions are for people who really enjoyed high school. Anyways, it just goes to show how much I “know” about my beliefs. It’s hard to fool yourself though, instinctively I just knew my lack of caring was a falsehood. It definitely goes to show that one thing you can believe in is that life will always be uncertain, it’s just a precarious balancing act between will and uncertainty.
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