This I Believe

Nikki - Antelope, California
Entered on May 15, 2007

This time and age people suffer, people die horribly, people get annoyed, and people become lonely. I was Seven years old when this happened to me. My best four-legged friend had died. I went from perfectly content to depressed. I lost so much, a week later my aunt Tamara died. I remember sitting at her funeral, it felt like years to my nine-year-old cousin and me. If only that was the end.

Years flew by and I was an addict to drugs, sex, alcohol, and cutting, which is what my aunt had died from. I hid that life from the world. I believed in the easy way out, I could quit anytime I wanted to, but I couldn’t. If one door closes you better find a breakable window and a softball bat, there is NO easy way out. That’s what I now believe.

For me, I jumped, and I ran from my past. I decided I want to live, I want to try, I want another chance. I now live and I try every single day to become a better me, and it’s working. I still make mistakes, but that’s because I’m human, not a plastic Barbie doll. I want to create my own story of my own life. I don’t want someone else to write it for me. Yes pages will be blank in my story, that I know for sure, but at least now I can say, “That’s my story, no one wrote it but me. I lived my life. I didn’t let anybody else live it for me. I lived.” And I continue to live every day of my life.

I’ve had drawbacks, but who honestly hasn’t. I’ve gone through drug and booze withdrawals and cutting withdrawals. I felt as if I was dying even more on the inside until my wonder yet completely heartless psychology teacher, Mr. Simmas taught me it was all in my head. I became the strongest person in the world sophomore year. I felt like the female version of Hercules. I could carry the world in my arms and nothing could bring me down, but a boy. Yes, teenage love, the affection that attract a crotch to a heart, eventually a dead broken heart. Good thing I couldn’t feel anything, but his hands in mine. Yea, I’m pathetic, I know, but he’s my “first love” but he helped me and he never knew. When I jumped out that window I fell into his arms. His arms disappeared and his smile faded, but I went on, into the sunset.