This I Believe

John - Rexburg, Idaho
Entered on May 12, 2007

Let go, and let God

I know you are not supposed to have a favorite sibling, but my little sister is my pride and joy. When we were little, we were very competitive. To this day we have yet to finish a game of monopoly. It wasn’t until she started attracting boys that I recognized my brotherly duty to be protective. Since then we have always been close. My sister is a very beautiful girl, yet she has always attracted less than reputable boys. Somehow Juli became a magnet for every lowlife and scumbag anywhere she went. This was all the more reason to protect her.

While we grew up and passed through our inevitable rebellious stages, I would always take the brunt my parent’s anger. I tried to deflect all the pain to myself. I don’t remember much of those times; they seem more like a dream than a past. I never knew about the struggle within Juli. She was always so strong. I would never have guessed that my sister was anorexic.

I don’t remember the exact moment I became aware of the problem. I do remember the sleepless nights and the worrying. Most of all, I remember the intense feeling of helplessness. The hardest part for me was realization that I couldn’t fix the problem. Seeing my sister slowly and methodically kill herself has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.

I wanted someone to blame and I wanted to protect her from whatever it was that “forced” her to do these things. I thought up all of these ways it was my fault, my mother’s, the media. “Whose fault is this?” I asked myself over and over. I felt like Juli was drowning and I couldn’t get out to save her. This wasn’t an ex-boyfriend I could intimidate; it wasn’t a burden I could lift like a box for her. How do you save someone from herself?

Three hospitals and a year and a half later, my Juli and I had a talk I will never forget. I was pouring my heart out to Juli about a girl who had dumped me. The conversation doesn’t matter nearly as much as the advice Juli gave me. It will stick with me forever “Let go and let God”. The meaning is simple, don’t worry about the things you can’t change and do your best with what you can. I believe in the power of those words and I can’t think of better words to live by.