This I Believe

alyssa - USA
Entered on May 11, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, love

Growing up, I lived in a house where affection was rarely shown. I have never seen my parents kiss, hold hands, or even say I love you. They had separate rooms, cars and to me they had separate lives. My mom worked night hours so she didn’t have to see my dad, who worked in the day. I would often see my mom upset because of something my dad did or said. I never saw my parents speak to each other, and when they did it would always end in an argument. Because I grew up in that environment it really distorted my image of how all relationships should be and made me not really believe in love. One of the first times I realized this wasn’t normal was when I had a friend come over in the sixth grade and she asked me why my mom and dad didn’t have to same room and I couldn’t answer her. When saying I love you and kissing my family was unheard of, its hard for me to express my feelings the way I want to. Because of this it has been hard for me to keep a relationship, the thought of affection was awkward and unnatural. So when I started having boyfriends in middle school it was very hard to keep one because every time someone would try to get close to me I would immediately break up with them and move on. Mainly because relationships didn’t feel right to me until I met Michael Allen freshman year. There was something strange about how I felt about him, but when he opened his mouth and told me he loved me and we weren’t even together, I vowed never to talk to him again. But year after year he would keep coming back and year after year I kept turning him down. Until the beginning of this year, when all of my other relationships had failed, I decided to give him a chance. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Michael is a very loving and affectionate person, and I’m not. Hes also very expressive with his feelings and I’m not, but I believe that he was bound to get it out of me. He would tell me he loved me time after time and my repeated answer was “Thank you”. He would always try to kiss me in public which bothered me so much because it didn’t feel normal to me. He would yell at me and ask me if I even liked him, and I did, I just didn’t know how to express it. I wanted to break up with him several times because I felt like it was getting to serious and that made me feel very uncomfortable. Well I stuck it out, and we got closer to each other and I finally told him how I felt, in a note, because I defiantly not going to tell him in person. Today, seven months later, we are very open with each other and our feelings. I don’t know where I would be today, relationship wise, if it wasn’t for Michael. Now I can say I believe in love.