This I Believe

Christina - Jewett, Ohio
Entered on May 9, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: forgiveness, hope

I believe in forgiveness, but with a simple question. How do I hate a man that I don’t know, and how can I forgive this man that I don’t know? I ask myself this question time after time.

When I was two years old, my father was killed in an accident. This accident in my opinion, should not have been classified as an accident. A man purposely drank alcohol and purposely got behind the wheel of a car. That same man, too drunk to stay on his side of the road sped head first into my father, who was riding a motorcycle. The motorcycle, being no match for a speeding car crumbled from the collision. The crash left my father dead at the scene.

Since I have been old enough to understand what happened that night, I have hated that man for taking away Gerald Kearns. He was a father, a husband, a son, and much more to many people. Hate is a very strong word, but it is the only word that possibly comes close to how I feel about what he did. The thought of how inconsiderate, and reckless that man was has blinded me for so many years. I watched my mother and grandmother cry and go into a state of depression during every birthday, anniversary and my high school graduation. All the times that were supposed to be happy times were graced with that unpleasant dark cloud. It hurts so much to think that all I have of my father are the many pictures and the stories I hear from family members.

Overwhelmed by my loss, I sat down to think about what that man must have had to go through. The thought of taking another persons life is horrifying to me. Just recently I have considered that maybe that punishment that he will put himself through for the rest of his life is a much greater punishment than my hate could ever inflict on him. In a way this thought gives me hope. Hope that I can forgive this man that I have never met, this man who stole all the memories that could have been. Maybe one day I will be able to lift this weight that I have placed on my shoulders and forgive him for what he did. Therefore all I can do is believe that when the time is right I will be able to let go and just forgive. That is why I believe in forgiveness. Even though it has not come yet I strongly believe that in time it will come.