I believe in rebirth
When I was growing up, I lacked common sense and rational judgment. I grew up to be a naive and push over teenager. When I was 15, I met a boy who meant everything in the world to me. We made dreams together, planned out our future, and discovered true love for the first time. Then, as all things pass in young adulthood, so did our “forever” relationship and we went our separate ways……sort of.
I was completely obsessed about this boy and felt hopeless without him. I followed him to his destinations, hoping to “run” into him and possibly strike up a conversation to see if there was still hope. My final attempt was to apply at his work place. But, after many failing attempts and jealous attacks, I met his high school enemy, and my old habits kicked in again. I fell for this new boy and stayed with him for a year, through all of the emotional and mental abuse, lies, empty promises, and cheating. Then, one night a pink line crossed the window of a test that I held in my hand. Coincidentally, the relationship had gotten worse, and the rose glasses I wore for a year finally fell off, and I saw this boy for everything he was and was not. We went our separate ways, and I faced this new path in life on my own.
During my pregnancy, I went through a lot of self realization and wrote a letter to my unborn child, telling her how I hope she is strong willed, smart enough to say no, possess leadership qualities, be true to herself, and to fight for what she believes in. After I sealed that envelope, I sat in my bedroom thinking of these traits I had prayed for her to have. It dawned on me that the only way she could have a chance at possessing these life traits and grow up to be an independent and strong woman, was to be raised by one. I wrote out a list of every trait I wanted for her, and every trait (mine) that I did not want for her, and decided then that I had to do something about myself.
I read a lot that summer and self corrected my defeating behaviors. I discovered a self identity I never knew I had. The choices I made, my rationale pattern, my interaction with others, my body language, everything changed. I changed. Those who knew me before would not know me today. The day my daughter was born, my life changed, and it was only the beginning. For the first 3 years of my daughters’ life, I was a single mother. I continued to practice these new traits of mine to influence my daughter. I worked hard, went to school, supported her on my own, and raised her with the beliefs and morals. I supported and guided her through problem solving, standing up for herself, speaking her mind, and being true to herself.
She’ll be nine years old this year November, and though not all of the traits are evident, most are and the rest will come in time. I can see it. I believe in her. She has given me the opportunity to find myself and believe in myself. When that pink line displayed in the window on that test, I believe I was reborn.
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