This I believe; you can be a mother without being a mother. My desire is and always has been to be a mother more than anything else in the world. My husband and I have known each other for 5 years 3 of which we dated and 1 that we have been married.
When I was 16 years old a doctor told my father that if I wanted to have children I needed to do it soon… I remember the night the EPT stick showed two lines, and our reaction for the short time we had the baby in my tummy. We discovered our true love and dedication to one another. Tragically we lost that miracle baby to a miscarriage.
years of agony were spent trying to hold on to my womanhood so that I may bear children. I lost that battle on March 16, 2005. when I was 21 I lost the ability to carry a child. When the pain persisted the age of 23 I lost total ability to procreate any children even with a surrogate carrier.
This has been quite possibly one of the most detrimental series of events I will ever face. I was told I would never conceive, but held on because I had hope, by the grace of god…I did conceive. Sadly I lost that baby, then I lost all hope to ever carry another.
My husband is one of the most admirable men in my eyes that has ever lived and breathed. He is 24 and wants a family to carry on his name, not once has he made me feel inferior for not being able to mother his children, and not once has he made me feel shame for not being able to provide him with that experience of watching a child grow from the size of a mustard seed to an actual baby that is birthed. You see my husband, this wonderful man, he could choose another woman to be the mother of his children, but he didn’t, he chose me. I don’t have to be a mother to be a mother.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.