Trust in Love
“Love” is something that little girls discuss over tea parties with Molly the rag doll and Ben the bear. Now, love by itself, exists fundamentally. It is an unstoppable force; constantly present. Whether you think it is spiritual or just the brain creating endorphins. It’s human nature and continuously around. Many say, “Love is love” to make this concept a little bit easier to comprehend, but there are differences. The love that exists from a parent to their child is different than the love between two unrelated individuals. I will call the first love “unconditional”. It is thrust upon a parent at the child’s birth when he or she holds a little extension of themselves for the first time. That love that is shared will never disappear. I will call the second love “romantic”. “Romantic” love involves two people that are not related where trust is fundamental; it’s the only thing holding them together. It is needed to strengthen the connection. Trust is what defines true love. True love is elusive and escapes most people. Fools rely on fate to deliver true love to their front door before 5 pm and all they have to do is sign for it. I need true love.
I was nineteen and invincible. I was full of passion, lust, and love. The path that led to where I am now was one that made me feel important, but in truth naive. I found a girl that was amazing and easy to love. Now I needed to trust her. I needed to be able to fall backwards and know that she would be there to catch me always. I had made mistakes myself and broken promises. But, I truly did not understand the difference between love and true love until one day I fell back and she let me hit the ground. A simple kiss with another had turned my world upside down. She was mine; a piece of me for the longest time. She told me that she would never hurt me. It was not something that I believed, rather, something that I knew; a certainty. So what was I supposed to do when the certainty that held us so close together had vanished? Our relationship was our house, and our foundation trust. You can remodel, but if the foundation is insufficient you will start seeing cracks in the walls. Our foundation; our trust was gone. I am scared to try to love again. I lost my security; my invincibility.
This is where I am now, and I hope that I find some way to fix the foundation and patch the cracks. I belong at that tea party, because Molly the rag doll and Ben the bear probably know more about love than I do now. Love is inherent in me and I will continue my search for this elusive true love. Fortunately, I have two other beliefs that give me hope. I believe in forgiveness and I believe in second chances. Wish me luck.
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