This I Believe

Diana - Dartmouth, Massachusetts
Entered on April 30, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: purpose

believe that everything happens for a reason…

One evening my boyfriend and I had a terrible fight we had been fighting for months over the fact that I wanted children and He already had children and why did I have to mess up such a good thing with children. After hours of yell and screaming he went to bed and I sat crying in my office. I was so tired of everything and I had been mad a God for a long time and wasn’t talking to him. But for the first time in a long time I asked him for a favor…

If there was someone he was going to take that night that wanted to stay here on earth please leave them and take me instead. I was ready to call it quits.

When I woke up the next day I was sad. The kind of sad that you cant say with words. I dressed and went to work. At the time I was working rebuilding a section of highway and spent most of the day standing in the middle of the highway inches from speeding cars. I stood that morning looking at the 8 inch yellow line that separated me from the cars thinking and thinking and thinking 8 inches. Its not far I could just step out. Then from out of the corner of my eye I saw someone running so I turned to look and then there were a lot of people running there was screaming and breaking glass and people everywhere. I guess it was gut instinct I ran to see what it was…

There was a car that had come into the setup area where we were working and hit the gradall an 80000lb machine that has no forgiveness. The people running were my coworkers trying to save their own lives I was the only one on the other side of the jersey barrier protected from the car.

I took action and started calling out directions to my coworkers. Put the car in park. Check for pulses. Call the ambulance. Then there in the back seat someone said a child and for a moment we all froze. I opened the door and to my relief it was a women very small in size. The police office pulled her from the vehicle and we started CPR I can remember looking up at 9 men standing in a line staring down at me as I worked to save this womens life. When I got to the formen I could see his lips moving but could not hear him. Our eyes met and I said

She is dead but I can not stop.

I could see his head turn to the other men so that he could tell them and as I looked down the line a second time they where all crying.

When the ambulance came I stood up and washed my hands of the blood. I never shed a tear.

She was a 40 year old women with six small children and she died in my hands on the day that I asked God to take me instead. I don’t know why I am supposed to be here but God must have some reason to answer me with such a resounding reply.