A Breathless Alaskan Winter
I frequently sit alone in my room and think. I think of all the emotions that run through me in reference to my absent loved one. I find it amazing how two feelings so different could end up being so similar. I sometimes find it difficult to breathe as if something or someone is drawing the breath out of me. Incidentally, that was the same way I felt stepping off the plane and into the frigid Alaskan air to see my best friend, the man I love. There are days I cry myself to sleep because I miss him so much. My fiancé is stationed thousands of miles away from me. The most difficult part of my life was watching him leave.
I never thought falling in love would make me feel so lonely. A few years ago I met a young, tall, handsome man. He was irresistible, kind, easy to talk to, and hilarious. He was loads of fun. I felt for him in ways I didn’t know were possible. He made me feel more beautiful than ever, inside and out. We did everything together; we fished, we camped, we played paintball, we went to concerts, and we vacationed. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. He was the man I dreamt of since I first began dreaming. I believe he is perfect.
Our wonderful time together was cut short by the military. The love of my life decided he wanted to be a soldier. I was devastated to hear he would be leaving. Since he left for the military, we haven’t been able to see much of one another. The first couple months without him were difficult. I wrote him a letter every day. I filled each with confetti and I sprayed them with perfume. I tried to make him feel as close to home as possible.
Shortly after joining the military he asked for my hand in marriage. I have never had so many different feelings hit me at once. I was overwhelmed with joy. I wore a string around my finger until he was able to get me a ring. However, that didn’t matter to me because I knew he was mine for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, I knew the next few years would be rough. I was aware that I may not see him often, but I was determined to make it work. There isn’t a moment that goes by I don’t think of how much I miss him.
Now, as I walk away from him in what used to be the painful cold of the Alaskan winter, I find it easier to breathe. I am able to endure the bite of the cold. I have acclimated to it almost as I have acclimated to his absence. What used to be a constant feeling of breathlessness is now but an occasional inconvenience. No woman so in love should have to endure and adapt to the pain and loneliness of a man at war. Until he returns I will live every day with a broken heart.
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