LIFE IS ADVENTURE!!!!!
That, in one moment of clarity is what I have come to. So much time spent. Searching for the purpose in life that “everyone has”. But it is all so universal! The days ….quagmired in years boils down to that. Adventure. In education, responsibility, work, living, playing, everything. I come to the reason for depression is simply the lack of adventure. In everything I am feeling at this moment, adventure or the lack there of.
Sometimes, I realize I am a creature of change. Sometimes I don’t like that very much. I think I want to be settled, with a comfortable routine that feels safe. I think about many aspects of my life that depresses me, work, play, writing, cleaning, being a Mom, my education. My childs education. It has been so overwhelming. I want to do all these things, and do them well. I see them, I think about them. I wonder what motivation is missing that I cannot do them well, or do them at all. It comes to me……..FINALLY!!! IT IS ADVENTURE!!!!
I have been looking at my life in hindsight. Seeing my longing at different points, and how I should have done things differently. How I should and could have applied myself, and didn’t. It all comes down to regret, and longing. Longing that I have felt but couldn’t identify. Hours spent mindlessly playing stupid card games on the computer. Knowing there was something there, but not being able to define it. Now I know! ADVENTURE!! SEEK IT!! LIVE IT!!
I have been searching for “one word” that defines me. So far I have tried.
They are all there. But my “trump “word would have to be….
And yet, who, who knows me would know this about me. I write tonight as I have wanted to for a very long time, but have been unable to. So, I hope to read this often. To remember, & to move forward, & to grasp…….ADVENTURE!!
MY child, I hope that when my life is done, the one thing you will say about me would be…
SHE TAUGHT ME ADVENTURE!!
So now let’s explore that word. It doesn’t mean you conquer the arctic or sub arctic. It doesn’t mean you have to discover something that no one else has. It doesn’t mean you have to find the answer to global warming, or peace on earth. It doesn’t mean you have to save the rain forest, the Tigers, or the Polar Bears. Those things are not yours to do single-handedly. But to explore this earth and your own backyard. That is what adventure is. Not sky-diving, or kayaking a class V or climbing a peak to conquer it. But finding and making adventure in your everyday. To find the wonder of it all. To celebrate the accomplishments of another, while getting excited about the small adventures of your every day.
A house is not a home unless it holds adventure.~~~~~~~Tarceyjane
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