Love. One short word that has a million different meanings and is interpreted in even more ways. There’s so many different kinds of love. There’s the kind of love that I have for my family. You know the, “I have to love you, but I don’t have to like you,” sort of love. The love that I have for my friends like, “I love you like a sister.” And of course there’s that rare love that I will hopefully find in only one person. The “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the moon,” kind of love. Ever since I was a little girl, watching Cinderella made me want to find my Prince Charming. The guy that would risk his life fighting a fire-breathing dragon to save me from my eternal sleep. Or the guy that would write a letter to me everyday for a year waiting patiently for my reply. Although I’m young, I believe that true love is out there for me and all I really have to do is wait for him to find me.
Love may come as quickly as it goes away. There’s that saying about “love at first sight.” Well, from personal experience, I thought it was love, but was simply just a really, really, really big crush. In my 16 years of living, I can only think of one person that I had a really, really, really big crush on. It was the greatest/weirdest feeling when our eyes met and we smiled at each other. My stomach felt like I was going down a 100 feet roller coaster going 1,000 miles per hour minus wanting to throw up. OK, bad example. I guess I just had an extreme case of the butterflies and my heart was beating ridiculously fast.
We became good friends and soon became more. I couldn’t wait until we would hang out during the weekend, and later stay up all night telling my best friend what happened. I still didn’t understand how we could like each other because were just the total opposites. He and I were like hot and cold; oil and water; night and day. We argued about things, actually, a lot of things. But he was the only person that could make me smile when I was having the worst day. The one that I cleaned my room for so I could go out on the weekends. The one that was hopefully on the other line when my phone would ring. The one that made me laugh at his corny jokes and most importantly, the one that I trusted.
He said all the right things, and of course, I fell for them. It should have been a red flag when he said “I love you,” when we’d only known each other for a few months. Looking back, I seriously thought I was in love, and now, I feel like my IQ dropped a few hundred points just for thinking that. To this day, I still can’t believe the way we ended things. I felt deceived. I felt mislead. I felt embarrassed. Finding out the real him literally broke my heart. Not as his girlfriend, but as his friend.
I never would have thought that the guy that made me so happy would be the reason I was crying night after night. My best friend noticed how miserable I was, and she said something that really stuck to me which was “time heals all wounds.” Slowly, I started acting like myself again and eventually started living my life. Were actually still friends and we still talk, but I learn from my mistakes, and I can say we will be nothing more than friends.
I don’t see my experience with him as a failure, but as a starting point. A starting point for what is to come later in my life. I’m going to experience more heartbreaks and with any luck, hopefully find the one I’m suppose to spend the rest of my life with. There are times when I feel vulnerable and I look back at the days when we were together and immediately remember my feelings for him. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it gets pretty hard to get over him especially since I compare him to ever single guy, and he somehow comes out as the better one. I know that he and I are done and I have to go on with my life. I might not have gotten my fairytale ending with him, but I still believe that my Prince Charming, my true love, and my soul mate is out there and it’s just a matter of time until we finally meet.
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