I believe in the love of birthmothers.
Technically, we all came from a birthmother. Somebody had to birth each and every single one of us! The word ‘mother,’ really means: lot of love, and sacrifice. Having recently become a mother, I know that I get a lot less sleep!
I believe in the love of the birthmother who chooses to place her child for adoption. Often society thinks this woman doesn’t care – in my experience is it because she cares so much. Adoption is about love, and it hurts.
This is not just about my love for our birthmom, Julia. The more I love Ellie, the more I see Julia’s love for Ellie was so great that she didn’t give her up, she loved her enough to give her more.
In month 32 of waiting, there was a flag last spring on our adoption email box. “My name is Julia. I am expecting a baby in May and am considering adoption. The ultrasound shows that it is a girl.” What do you say? My husband and I had some intense conversation! “Please give us your baby?” “We want your baby so badly, please; we would do everything for her.” “Love and money can’t get us what you are offering us – we love/adore/worship you!” So we settled for “How are you feeling? We are thankful you are considering adoption. Tell us about yourself!”
As we learned more about Julia, the more I saw that this was a woman with a serious love and a serious plan. She did not want the birth father to gain custody, so she gave birth in our state. She studied our state adoption laws – and knew more than our case worker! She knew what she wanted for this child and she worked to get it. She wanted a two-parent family ready to give her child the time, attention and opportunities she could not.
She scarified, and hurt a lot. She lost her balance at swing dancing, a semester at college and her own comfort for nine months. She sacrificed this, and more, because she wanted the best to come out of a not-so-great-situation.
So, tomorrow is Birthmother’s Day, and Sunday is Mother’s Day – my first one as an actual-factual-snot-wiping-mother. This year I am going to ponder about true love – love shown when someone actively pursues something very hard, because they know that is the best in their situation.
Lots of birthmothers raise their child, and this is good. Some birthmothers, for a variety of reasons, let their child go. Many of these birthmoms would agree with this quote from an adoption book I read: “I cry now, so that my baby won’t have to later.”
To all you birthmoms out there, in good situations or bad – old situations or new – thank you. Your love IS true love.
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