I started thinking about this essay “This I believe” and it got me thinking. I am neither a great writer nor speaker. I often make mistakes so bear with me as I try and explain what I feel and what I think. My father is diagnosed with ALS – Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Some would think that this is an awful disease while others have no idea. I would be lying if I said that today that my father would be proud of me letting strangers know of his disease. He is the type of man that never asked for help or if he did it was usually a last resort. I feel that it is my job to make people aware; I am not an activist or someone that shouts from the roof top stating my case and what others should judge. You think that this paper would be about my father and how he has handled everything, because in our society we have evolved to look for the survivors or fighters as heroes. When I look at my father I see my mother, and I seen what used to be love.
I view the way that I handle the situations, and view the way my mother handles situations, and often wonder. I don’t think that I am wrong when I assume that my mother and fathers love for one another has dwindled over the years. Romantic kisses out on the boat to each of them sleeping separately in different beds in different rooms. I see that there is terror in both of their eyes; I see that they don’t like what is being done. I sit back and my mother says that I am blank when I come, home yet I try and make time for everyone of my family members. My Brother and I take care of chores that my father is no longer able to take care of himself on his own.
I thought that I would let my parents read this as I thought that they would be proud of me, I am choosing not to share this with them as I have the feeling that this would hurt them in ways that I could not express. I would never want the pain that my father physically has to deal with and never would want the pain mentally that me mother has to deal with. I believe that we are chosen for reasons to accept certain aspects in our lives, and I know that it is cliché to say that god would never give us more than we can handle. I believe that this was maybe a calling for me to write something or to take god back into my life after I had shunned him out for so many years, by questioning his motives.
I wrote this about a month ago and never got around to finishing it, since this writing many changes have taken place. Some that I am not ready for and some I never want to think about. Something that is so hard and painful for everyone that is involved makes it even harder to understand. I hope that none of you reading this ever have to go through the pain that my family has gone through. Take a look at your families and remember the good times and cherish every moment. It will be easy for some and extremely hard for others. It depends on what is going on in your life. I believe that life will continue to move on and you better be ready to move along with it or you will be drug behind!
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