This I Believe

Jordan - Hialeah, Florida
Entered on April 11, 2007

Not Favored in Favoritism

“We do not favor either of you,” is something parents convey to their children, well at least mine do. THIS I believe is a lie. I know my younger brother is their favorite child between the two of us. Am I invisible, because I feel nonexistent.

They do everything and anything for him. After all, he is their “baby.” My parents pay a lot for him to have trainers, etc. so he can become a major league baseball player. They support him with his dream, but when it comes to mine, it’s “impossible” or “out-of-reach.” Modeling, journalism, working in the music industry is “too much competition” is what my mother pervades. My father’s words were “you’re throwing you’re life away.” Everything is a competition so why should this be any different. My brother’s dream is more of a gamble than my dreams. I have the passion, and interest for them but apparently that doesn’t matter, I don’t matter; Feeling as though I don’t exist, feeling as though I just don’t belong, feeling that it will be better once I’m gone.

When I tell my parents I got an A on a test it goes in one ear and out the other, but when he speaks the whole world stops to tune in. Yes, they’ll buy me what I want, but it does not replace the hours they are gone to be at his practices and games. When we’re together all they talk about is baseball; uttering the same words, night after night. I just sit there in silence; I’m like the walls in a building, just there. I wonder how it would be like to sit in a restaurant and not talk about a game or practice. I wonder if it’s even possible. With my family baseball is their number one priority.

The day of my SAT test I wanted to get there early so I would know where to go but we had to wait for my brother to get dressed and get ice for his game. Another incident was when I had my first audition for a fashion show; I was chosen out of hundreds of girls. I was bursting with joy. Finally, I have an opportunity to feel like I’m living my dream. The day of the show some of my relatives came to watch and when I looked up to the second floor I thought I saw my dad. I was so excited to go up and receive a hug and hear him say “I’m proud of you.” When I went up to see them he wasn’t there. I asked my aunt where he had gone but she said he never came; they were at baseball practice still. My glorious moment was suddenly over.

This I believe is my everyday life; I’m living in the shadow, of whom they love the most.