This I Believe

Natalie - Mundelein, Indiana
Entered on March 29, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: family

It’s near impossible to not believe something when you deal with it 365 days a year, 7 days a week. It doesn’t help that it affects every aspect of your life, either. This is why I believe sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.

My mom died about ten years ago, and my dad has been remarried eight of those years that she has been gone. In the beginning of my dad and his new wife’s relationship, everyone was alright with the situation, including myself. In fact, I was looking forward to having a “new mom”.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a new mom. I didn’t even get a new friend. I got someone who, for reasons beyond me, could not seem to connect with me. No matter how hard I wanted it, it always seemed that she didn’t want it. No matter how hard I tried, it always seemed that she wasn’t trying.

I never knew, and still don’t know, what I did wrong. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault, and it’s not about me. But, when a person comes into your family and completely rejects you, it’d hard not to think it’s your fault.

Although my dad’s wife and I never became friends after their marriage, she was always cordial. She never hurt me, she never punished me, and she never told me what to do. She just didn’t talk to me. It didn’t even faze her when I would express to her that all I wanted was to be friends. She simply brushed it away, as if my feelings meant nothing.

But, like I said, we were cordial. There wasn’t an unbearable amount of tension in the house, until about a month ago.

The situation that was always there escalated from a tolerable amount of tension to an amount of tension that ripped apart my family. At this point, I put my foot down. I made it clear that not only am I not going to try for this relationship anymore, but I don’t want it anymore. I want nothing to do with my dad’s wife, and nothing is going to change that.

The attitude that I have is the easy attitude to have. It’s easier than putting my emotions out in the open, only to possibly get hurt again. And it’s easier to pretend to not care, than to actually care and not get anything back.

The hard thing to do, unfortunately for me, is the right thing to do. To better my family, to help my dad, and to help my dad’s wife, the right thing to do is to be open to anything. If my dad’s wife were to apologize, the right thing to do is to forgive her. If she were to try to talk to me, the right thing to do is to listen.

The hardest thing to do is the right thing to do in this situation. I deal with this 365 days a year, and that’s why I believe it.