This I Believe

whitney - Lansing, Michigan
Entered on March 23, 2007

My worst fear is that people will judge me badly. Unfortunately, people judge me badly everyday.

I feel alone even when I know I have others around to help me. I feel like I did something wrong even when I didn’t. I feel like I cant breathe and sometimes I even black out for a little bit. My mom says that these are called panic attacks and are triggered by an extreme amount of stress. She isn’t a doctor but she knows because she gets them also. When she was a kid she got picked on A LOT. People used to leave death notes on her desk then the panic attacks came.

You can either go to ways when you are judged badly. You can act like you ignore it and put it behind you, or, you can take the other way, they way you do drugs and other stuff to ease the pain of being ridiculed for being you. My mom took the bad way, and then, I was born.

When my mom found out she was pregnant she was 17. She told my grandma and my mom was going to give me to another family. It was a pre-planned adoption. When my mom had me though she decided not to give me up. I am glad that she didn’t.

When I tell my mom about how people pick on me in school, she just tells me that it is because they are jealous that I am prettier than they are. I know that she’s just trying to make me feel better though. I don’t tell my mom all the things that the kids say to me, because I don’t want her to get worried.

I know almost everyone gets picked on at least once in his or her lifetime, but I don’t know why it affects me so much when I am picked on. Whenever I see someone in the hallway getting picked on I try to stop it or tell a teacher, but I am not sure if it helps.

I am not sure what I can do to make people stop judging me, in fact, I’m not even sure if I can make them stop but I am glad I have friends that will listen to my problems and are there when I need them.