On this day, March 22, 2007, I think about what I want to accomplish in my life. I haven’t really done much with my life up to this point. I have decided to continue my education and make something of myself, for myself and for my family. I believe every life will have hardships, ups that make you the happiest person in the world and downs that bring you to the lowest of lows. Thoughts of your little insignificant soul not on earth seems like it could be easier, when you have those hard times.
I believe that a person, any person can make themselves happy, if they want happiness. I admit it is sometimes a bit hard to want to be happy. Sometimes you want to be sad, cry and fell sorry for yourself. It doesn’t hurt; it may even help me remain sensible. I try to keep things on a joyful note. I like to hear “it’s too early in the morning for you to be that happy”, on my good days.
When I decide to wallow in the things in my life I can’t change, I do pretty well. For instance I am unable to change the fact that my father is a 56 year old man who can’t provide for himself. Not because he has any physical or mental problems, but because he is not willing to get up and live his life for himself. I feel so bad for him and for myself. I often think about what type of relationship I want us to have, but I then realize, after a few tears, that being in a healthy relationship with my own father will be something that may not happen.
I wonder how someone can be that way. If it is so easy to live freely and not have any worries, why can’t I just snap my fingers and make all my dreams and desires fade away. I might be happier and easy going if I wanted nothing. But, then I remember I am me for a reason. I still have more than enough time to sit and think. To enjoy dreaming about my future and realize the dreams of my future will soon be my reality and no one can erase my dreams but me.
I believe we all make our own happiness and my happiness is to dream.
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