This I Believe

A - Louisville, Kentucky
Entered on March 22, 2007
Age Group: 30 - 50
Themes: love

I believe in ‘Happy Ever Afters’ for those I love.

I love romantic stories because they leave me feeling warm and happy inside. They help me to see that we live in a beautiful world; even if, for some people it is just make believe.

When I met my husband we were so young and we thought that our love could change the world and each other. However, our relationship was abusive. It left me feeling small and shrunken inside; so much less than myself before. I used to be expansive and confident and loving and happy and trusting of myself and my world. Slowly, gradually, relentlessly all these were whittled away leaving a version of me that I barely recognized and it was all done in the name of love. I lost my center; even before I knew myself well, I gave my true self away to someone who was not able to appreciate the value of the gift that he had been given; and we both called this love. The saddest part was that I allowed him to do this to me; in fact I willingly partook of this process. The hardest part was forgiving myself for doing this. The scariest part was finding out that the greatest danger to myself was not from some stranger that I did not know but in the arms of my lover. My body and my spirit were assaulted over and over by my lover and then one night the old me died. I was reborn and the pain of betrayal had changed me at the core and left me bitter and cheated.

I have learnt to treat my new cynical, suspicious self gently, and with tenderness for she is not as robust as she seems; she is a far more fragile and ephemeral person

She is one who believes in love stories – the kind that allows each person to grow and to be themselves even more; the kind in which each person is comfortable and accepting of himself or herself and of his or her loved ones; the life affirming kind.

I believe in a world of romantic love stories for my loved ones.