This I Believe

Rena - Rancho Palos Verdes, California
Entered on March 18, 2007

Author and music critic Nick Hornby once said, “All I have to say about these songs is that I love them, and want to sing along to them, and force other people to listen to them, and get cross when these other people don’t like them as much as I do.” No quote has ever summed up my love for music more. I used to think there was something wrong with me for getting so upset whenever someone insulted the music I really love. I never act upset…I mean, for example, if you insult one of my favorite bands I’ll get a little defensive, but I probably won’t even act like I’m that hurt. I’ll be kind of annoyed with you, but I most likely won’t even tell you that. Chances are I’ll think less of you (at least for a little while…I usually get over this after some time), but I will still never let you know that I was ever actually annoyed with you in the first place.

Why so much anger when someone is bitter about the music I love? I really don’t know. I’ve tried to figure out why I always let people get to me, but I’ve never been able to quite fathom the reasons. Maybe it’s because music is so important and personal to me that I feel personally insulted or attacked when someone insults it? When I really love a song it usually means that that specific song means something to me that most other songs do not. It’s just like having a best friend. When you have a best friend, you connect to them in a way that you do not connect to the average person. If someone insulted a good friend or a family member of yours wouldn’t you feel defensive…maybe even feel as if you yourself were being personally attacked? That’s how I feel when someone insults the music I love. I understand that I could just be overly sensitive…I mean I do tend to get upset when people insult other stuff I love as well…books, movies, whatever, and I’ve always been told I have a tendency to overreact and take things too seriously. However, I feel as if there’s more to it than just that.

I feel as if there’s something about being a music fan…especially one growing up in a household where music is not considered very important, where buying a new CD is considered wasting money…that makes you naturally defensive of the stuff you love. I always hoped that one day my parents would be able hear one of my CDs and suddenly understand why it means what it does to me, instead of turning it down as if it’s painful to listen to or telling me to shut it off while studying. I guess growing up this way has made me overly-defensive…I’ve been trying to prove that music is important for my whole life only to be shut down again and again. Maybe when someone insults a song I like, I assume that they are indirectly trying to tell me that my music is unimportant…that I’ve been wasting my whole life away being a fan.

So I guess I’ll never know exactly why I become so defensive of the things I love. I can keep pondering—trying to think of answers—but I think it’s best to just let it be. This is the way I am, and the way that I most likely will always be. I might as well sit back and enjoy the music I’ve always loved instead of trying to figure out the reasons for my defensiveness. I guess sometimes life just gets confusing and not everything can be completely understood. This I believe.