Crystal and Fog
Have you ever felt a memory fade? Have you watched the edges grow fuzzy on your favorite memory? The feeling is not a happy one. A memory is something that should be protected from the grasp of time they are the essence of who we are. The essence of why we are here and not elsewhere. They are on of the most important possessions we have.
When I was seven-years- old my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctors gave us the ever present, “We are going to make you healthy.” I remember the smell of the hospital. It was like latex; unclean and an undercurrent of sterilization. A smell so strong of oppression that I could nearly taste it. The moment I walked in the doors a feeling of horrible sorrow would surround me, suffocating all optimism I may have felt.
I remember all of this in vivid detail, but the times before she was sick are a hazy as a dense fog. Those happy moments drifting into oblivion. I do, however, remember the life in her eyes, and an unwavering smile in them that never faded until the last day. I remember making chocolate chip cookies with her and the wonderful smell of them baking in the oven. I remember helping her clean the house while singing country music. Her voice is one thing that eludes my memory. I do not remember the sound of her singing or the sound of her laughter. I keep these memories close to my heart, cherishing them until they are a permanent mark on my soul. They have become a part of who I am, and shape who I will become. The things I cannot remember are also a part of me, a hole that is forever present in my mind that will never be filled.
I’ve made is a personal goal to remember everything I can. Like the color of my best friend’s eyes, Caribbean blue. The color of the sunset, peach and vibrant gold. Memories were never meant to be lost or forgotten. They are meant to be kept in a secret place in our souls, to become a part of who we are. Lost memories are diamonds stolen by time. I do not line in the past but I do hold on to it.
Hold fast to your memories and never let them fade. The purpose of hind-sight is not to criticize the past, it is to observe it. Take care of the good memories that you may have, but don’t dwell on the ones you don’t have. For if you do, you might forget to revisit the good ones. All memories should be cherished.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.