I believe in faith. Faith as a family is the most important thing in the world. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The faith that stands on authority is not faith.” But our families are not authorities. They are here to love and support us. But not all families do that.
My dad does not have faith in me. He believes that he is perfect, and he tries to pretend that I am perfect too. But I am far from perfect. I have Bipolar Disorder. My manic phases always lead to a crash where I get upset, angry or so tired I cannot function. I have been in two mental institutions at least three times. I have tried suicide and cutting. Medicines help keep me under control. But my dad cannot accept this.
This causes me emotional anguish. I love my dad and wish he would accept me for who I am. But he does not have the faith in me, or my doctors, to get me well. I am working my hardest to get better, and he just doesn’t understand. He says he has the faith, but he hates my doctors and I hate that. My father hates my doctors because I’ve been with them too long. He thinks that I should be automatically better.
I believe that faith comes from the heart. You have to believe in yourself to give and receive faith. Yet I have a problem believing in myself.
I’ll never walk alone; my mom will always be there for me, giving me the faith I need to carry on.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.