This I believe… that the years after graduating from college are some of the most trying I will ever face. For the first 22 years of my life graduating from college has been my ultimate goal. It was, above all else, what I strived to do. What I didn’t know, was that receiving my diploma would remove from my life the one truly motivating goal that I possessed.
This I believe… that without that goal my life is suddenly filled with incredible amounts of uncertainty. I am 22 years old. A year and a half ago, I thought that I had an idea of how my life would play out. I was engaged, I had a first choice for graduate school, and in general, I had a plan. Now, I’m single, going to my second choice graduate school, and have no idea what my future holds for me.
This I believe… that I have no idea if I have any desire to finish graduate school. I lack passion for the work. More and more, I realize that it is this very passion that seems to drive all the people around me. How many years of my life do I want to devote to something that when at its very best only doesn’t bore me, and at its worst is completely unable to hold my interest.
This I believe… that somehow, in the next few years, I need to make some decisions that will decide the entire course of my life. I have to decide if I ultimately want to pursue a graduate degree; I have to decide what I want to do for a living, and I have to find the person I want to start a family with. A year and a half ago, I thought I knew what it was that I wanted from the person I intend to spend my life with.
This I believe… that a year and a half ago I was wrong. I know myself infinitely better as a person at this point in my life than I ever have. I have realized things about myself and about what I hold important. I have taken a completely new perspective on what it is that I am looking for in nearly every aspect of my life. I have decided that there are certain amazing things that I will not compromise.
This I believe… that somehow nearly all these traits that I have never before so vehemently cherished are personified in someone that has been in my life for years. Yet somehow, I know that what we have now, separated by hundreds of miles, may very likely be all we ever share, which will still have been more than enough to change my life. The evolution of this friendship has also reminded me that while I truly believe that a person can choose to fall in love… that sometimes that person falls without even realizing their foot has slipped.
This I believe… that what keeps me sane in this world of uncertainty is the knowledge that the decisions I make will be what shapes my life. I will be proud of what life becomes because I will be proud of the decisions that I make along the way. I will achieve in my life what I want to achieve, without regard to other’s standards or benchmarks. I will be happy.
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