I believe in memories. I feel the reason people hold onto memories so tight because memories are the only things that don’t change when everything else does. When times get rough, you can look back and remember what used to be, and if things were okay then, things can better get now. Memories shape who we are, and when things aren’t exactly the way you want, you remember who you are, and know that’s enough.
As I evaluate my life right now, there are so many things I wish were different. I can’t believe how different my life is from just a few years ago.
I have this memory of my family and me in Mexico. When we were there, we did everything together. We had breakfast, went to the beach, swam, went to dinner, and saw a show every night. We were together the whole time. Even when my sister got sick, we all ended up getting sick. We were really a family on that trip.
It was before my dad got his promotion and started working long hours and going out of town every week. It was before my older sister, Mary, transferred schools and came home to study here. She’s gone half the time at class and work. When she is here, she is annoying and obnoxious. It was before my other sister, Anne, also transferred schools and went away, and then my brother went away to college this year.
When we went to Disney World this summer, my dad spent almost the whole time on the phone with work and my brother spent half of his time on the phone with his girlfriend. Mary got mad because my brother was on the phone with his girlfriend instead of talking to us. My mom got mad at my dad for talking to work instead of spending time with his family. Anne and I just got stuck in the middle, not knowing what to do or what to say. We didn’t know whose side to be on. The vacation was ruined for everyone.
I get upset and crabby with my family a lot and they always bother me and ask me what’s wrong. I just want to yell at them and tell them it’s because my dad is always working, and my brother seems to care more about his girlfriend than us, and Mary asks a million questions and gets on my nerves, and my mom is impossible to talk to. She doesn’t understand that I’m not the same as her, and sometimes her opinions make things worse. I feel like the only person I have to talk to that understands me completely is Anne who is away at school. I never get a chance to talk to her because I don’t have time to call her.
I sometimes lay in bed at night wishing things could go back to the way they were. However, when I think about it, I know it’s a silly waste of time to wish for such things because we can’t go back.
I think the memories of the good times with my family will be with me always. I think when I’m older and have a new life and my own family, I will be able to look back and remember what we used to be. I will hope that my new family will stay together and close for as long as we can. I will, however, always have that wish in my heart for us to all be together, and close again. Even though I know things will never be like that again, because it’s in the past. It’s all a memory.
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