I Believe in The Supreme Cosmic Human Circus
After picking up the newspaper and reading about DJ Brown (who recently froze his feet while running barefoot around his garden in negative 17 degree weather to uphold his family’s Super Bowl tradition) I’m convinced – the human race, with all of its activities, insanities, and catastrophes is nothing more than a supreme cosmic circus.
Originally called simply the Human Circus (HC for short), it was founded, oh, about a century ago by Thomas Edison, Samuel Clemens, and Theodore Roosevelt. It started small – you know, a few janky parlor tricks, a knobby-fingered magician, a one-man band and some wild animals in cages. Who would have thought that such a crazy conglomeration could be so profitable? But turn a profit they did, those gold-sniffing, entrepreneurial robber barons, and with their newly stacked greenbacks growing stagnant, they sent the HC international. As industrialization revved up, so did the HC, a tie-dyed mishmash, sometimes frightening freak-show filled with Explosions! Illusions! Entertaining! Bizarre! Hilarious! Stunning! Come See The Fantastic! Posters littered the streets worldwide, from Morocco to Scandinavia, from Latvia to Kazakhstan, until finally the HC had reached all 192 (193 counting Vatican City) of the world’s nations.
By then the HC had grown out of the control of Teddy, Mark, and Tommy, who eventually sold their rights to Bill Gates and Warren Buffet in 1999. Dubbed The Supreme Cosmic Human Circus (TSCHC) by The Buffet-Gates Committee for Grandiose Plans, TSCHC now performs around the clock, damning the seasons, weather, and time of day. Religion, education, Major League Baseball, Valentine’s Day, and McDonald’s – the show travels from one ring to the next, each successive act more difficult, more technical, more exhausting. Reality TV, anorexia, Disney Land, artificial insemination, and the National Inquirer – all magically orchestrated and working harmoniously without the guidance of a ringleader. A bunch of skilled performers, yes, but pouring it all out while the audience is just frustrated and bored. (To be honest, the stage lights are turned up so bright that no one really knows if the audience is still around. They could have wandered out some time after the second act. Hey, the tickets weren’t that expensive, and there are things to do, people to see . . .)
To hell with the audience! Full speed ahead! It’s time for the Grand Finale, the Big Kaboom! The Whole Kit And Caboodle! It’s time we all strap on our leather helmets, buckle down the goggles and blast ourselves out of 6.5 billion cannons!
. . . but seriously, the world is a circus. That’s all. The news and world history? Its characters are nothing but caricatures – comic book cartoons fit for Cirque du Soleil, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey. And if it’s not a circus, it’s some kind of weird joke/story, with a punch line that makes you go, “Umm, huh?”
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