At some point in high school, I began to believe a lie. I believed that my self worth came from my physical beauty in the form of the frightening numbers revealed by a scale. Skipping dinner was how if first started. Pounds started shedding slowly but surely. Comparing the width of my thighs with dance team members was common. No matter how many pounds I shed, I couldn’t get rid of the muscles in my legs. I could never have the stick thin legs of some of my friends.
Moving into college, something changed. I no longer had a constant awareness of my self, but moved my focus to God. I never surrendered my problem to God. I only acted like I never had one. I was now focusing on changing the world for the better and God’s will for my life. Looking back on my obsession with my body, I wondered how I could have been so vain.
But then, again, the lie became believable. Shifting my focus to God caused me to gain the Freshmen 25. I started working out everyday and only ate the foods I could count the calories in. This time, I gained another bad habit with my compulsions with food. If I was over my limit of calories, I would purge the excess food. It worked for celebrities, right? I hit rock bottom when I realized that I still was not happy with losing the 25 lbs I had gained; my body still seemed fat.
This led me to again surrender to God, and he slowly healed me. Only this time, I acknowledged my problem and gave God complete control over it. He has taught me to look at the big picture of his will for my life rather than focusing on my physical appearance. He has taught me to respect my body, eat until I’m full, and rely on him in times of joy AND sorrow. I believe that God, alone, can heal us if we have faith and surrender our problems to him.
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