I believe in living life to the utmost and embracing every experience it places before me. Whatever the event or situation I remind myself “this too is life.”
It’s the first week of the 2007 school year and I walk into my room, drop my backpack on the floor, then I lift my computer bag over my head and carefully place it on the bed. Immediately I feel the relief off my shoulders. I walk over to the window and see the snow falling over everything and realize that, I am alone. I sit on my red chair with this loneliness that covers me like a blanket. The entire day I wanted to shake it off yet inside me I want to experience this part of my life. This is part of being a human being.
Here in my room I think about many things, I think about Tammy. We were part of the same youth group and became good friends. I remember her face, her smile, her long brown straight hair, and I remember the day I discovered she was no longer with us. I inquired about Tammy while visiting a couple that she had lived with for a while. “What, you didn’t know?” The couple was surprised. As they began to explain how Tammy had been killed in a car accident I felt that feeling I tried to contain my tears, but I understood that I would never see my friend again. That realization was profound and it taught me to appreciate every day, after all I don’t know if I will see tomorrow.
I thought about my nursing class teacher this week, she asked for a volunteer to demonstrate the use of a thermometer, no one step up. She then said “you better volunteering now because later on I will randomly pick people, you don’t want to be the one I call when we look at the genitals” there was a delayed reaction and then we all laughed.
As I sit here alone in my room I continue to remind myself that it is okay to feel every range of emotions. When I am happy, which is most of the times, I don’t feel the need to
change and I don’t question the reason as to why I am joyful. Why should I try to evade these lonely feelings? Instead I want to experience and embrace my humanity in laughter, in loneliness, in boredom, in anger for these are part of my life. The life that God has given me, it is mine, it is my journey!
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