I believe it’s more important to do rather than to think about doing. Deciding not to decide is deciding to do nothing. Guess what happens when you don’t decide, or delay deciding? Nothing. A big flat nothing happens. When I have, in my past 34 years done nothing, nothing indeed has happened. But when I get up off my seat of do-nothing, an amazing thing happens! Something gets done. Even if it’s wrong. It’s taken time for me to realize that even in making a mistake, I’m still OK.
I sat in a job for 5 years and 6 months paralyzed by the fear of doing something. I knew that the job was a good job, but it just wasn’t me. I was killing my authentic self in a dead end job with no prospects. I had succeeded. I had survived an abusive marriage, gathered myself together, went to college and ‘made something of myself’. I became an advocate for abused women in a domestic violence shelter. The thing is, in making something of myself, I no longer liked myself. I was angry. I was angry at the man that abused me, I was angry at a society that favors men over women, I was angry at the democrats, republicans, whoever challenged my opinion. I was angry at my boss, the judges, the lawyers, my own clients, and it all came back to me. I was mad at me! I had denied myself truth. I had to do something!
So something I did. One night, my epiphany came. Sweet surrender to salvation and letting the Lord lead my life. Many people think that once they get to this point, that it’s like getting in a row boat and just going along with the current of the stream. While I have surrendered to the Lord, I still have my paddle in my hand. I still look for the drifting wood in my stream and paddle my boat away from it, and listen for the waterfall up ahead that indicates that I need to pull my boat out of the water, and carry it to less treacherous paths. I’ve learned that neither passivism nor aggression will carry us through, but rather the balance of each. And above all, I believe in me. I am a creation of the Lord God, and He will guide my life, but I have to do my part. I have to put wings on my prayers, legs on my wishes, and belly up to the table and scoop in the goodness of this bountiful life. This I believe.
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