This I Believe

Jackie - Dover, New Hampshire
Entered on February 10, 2007

I believe my son is proof of a higher power.

I know I am not the first to say that the day my son was born, I found proof that there is a higher power. I was able to see in just 7 pounds, 3 ounces, all of the miracles, wonders, fears and anxieties that exist in the world. In the first second he was handed to me, I felt something that I could not explain.

I have heard the feeling described as having your heart on the outside of your body, feeling totally exposed and vulnerable. I have been told that it is a love greater than any other love I could ever feel. Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming sense of a greater energy surrounding me for the first time in my life.

Over the past seven years I have watched him grow into a glorious boy who can create an imaginary world in the middle of the living room. Oblivious to the world around him he acts out elaborate scenes and develops characters that will visit again. His eyes sparkle like only children’s eyes can. He laughs and I have to smile. When I am sad, he instinctively gives me a light kiss on my cheek and tells me he loves me, making it impossible to feel anything but love for him in return.

With all of the joy and the love I feel for him has come fear like none I have ever known or want to ever experience. Fear of losing this miracle that has been granted to me; fear of him living just one second of pain or sorrow; fear of not living a life deserving of his love. I feel this fear everyday, sometimes so deeply that I can’t let him go and when I feel the terror pounding in my body, I pray. I pray that he will be safe. I pray that he will be happy. I pray that no one will ever harm him physically or emotionally. I simply pray for him. At the end of the day, he comes home safe, happy healthy and more wonderful than when he left that morning and I know someone heard my prayer and watched over him. It is my proof that there is a higher power, and this I believe.