This I Believe

Maureen - San Luis Obispo, California
Entered on February 10, 2007

Why do I believe in feelings? Why can’t I see the truth?

Sometimes I feel inadequate. I do not belong. I do not fit in. I am not wanted. I strive to make myself apart of something that I am not. I want to feel accepted. I want to be desired.

But why should this matter? Why do I let these feelings devour me? I know who I am, I know what I am and I know who knows me. I am Maureen, a believer, a follower, and a disciple of Christ. He knows my every thought, my every feeling, wish and hope. But why then do I search for acceptance amidst my own doubts and fears when I have acceptance in Christ? Because I take my feelings for fact.

However, my feelings are so far from the truth. What was Jesus feeling when they beat Him? Was He feeling joyful? No, He was human. He felt hurt, bruised, broken, and shattered. But do those feelings take away from the fact of what He did? No because He still died for my sins out of love while feeling an exhausting pain. So yes, I feel inadequate. Yes, I feel like a loser and I feel like I do not belong. But those are my feelings. Those are my responses to the people around me and the emotions inside me. It is one in the morning and I cannot take those feelings for fact. I cannot let those separate me from God. I need to find security in what I know is secure, God and His hope: the hope of His peace, the hope of His love, the hope of His security. I don’t feel that right now, maybe I will tomorrow, but for right now, I still feel alone.

So, what do I do? I will now go to bed. I will now stop feeling sorry for myself. I will now remember who I am in Christ. I will now have internal joy, resting in the security of who God is. My emotions haven’t changed. I can’t force them. But, I need to face the facts. I know God’s love for me and through Him I can conquer my self-doubts and fears. From there, I can wake up tomorrow and be filled with His love no matter how I feel.