This I Believe

Jessica - Norman, Oklahoma
Entered on February 9, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30

It’s hard to really think about my everyday belief. I see it more as my faithful philosophy, than belief. Being raised Southern Baptist in a conservative home, to expanding myself to more of a Buddhist Baptist and liberal, I find myself lying in a state of existentialism. My way of existentialism may differ from Nietzsche or Kirkegaard, but I feel everything we do we must accept responsibility, positive or negative. I place faith in self-accountability and karma. I differ extremely because I also believe in God and that his son is the messiah. But, I also understand there could possibly be other higher beings among our faiths. Religion became a main focus and internal battle in my life when my grandmother passed away in August 2003. As I stand along side her casket for the viewing before the funeral, I noticed something. When someone is asleep you can still feel his or her presence. But, I couldn’t feel my grandmothers’ presence anymore. That made me really challenged this aspect of the soul leaving the body to make its journey to heaven or hell. For some reason, being close to my grandmother, I couldn’t imagine her alone, six feet under ground, and cold. This became a reassurance that her body was just a home or temple for her soul and that her true essences or aura was in a better place. Then as I started reading more into philosophy of Kabbalah, Dalai Lama, and even more into philosophy, I realized I was stuck. I was stuck with this rational of believing in God and going to heaven and my soul going to paradise, or could this possibly just be some sort of scam manipulated by tales and fables and we all just are underground. I began to realize that I was buying more into the Christian faith as a, “what do I have to loose” situation. Through out this experience I realized I could pick and choose my own faith habits. I believe we challenged our grasp of religion in order to strengthen our faith. And, maybe in the end we are just some corpse in a box, but even then will we even truly know?