Many people think that they are in love with the perfect person and it couldn’t get any better. As young naïve women I also thought this at one time. The person you think will be the person to protect you from tears, is now the person that is making you cry. I believe without a heartache you will not be able to fully know how to love someone and succeed in relationships.
My freshman year of high school I was head over heals with a guy I truly thought was perfect. I even neglected my friends because instead of hanging out with them, I would hang out with him. I thought there was nothing else I could ask for in a relationship. I would let him do basically whatever he wanted without asking a list of questions like a lot of people do because I was a very trusting person. I thought I could believe and trust him; I didn’t know that I couldn’t be more wrong.
I gave my heart and soul into that relationship. I was very young and didn’t open my eyes to what else could be out there to make me happy. I was swallowed by his charm not knowing he was charming others. It wasn’t only him that broke my heart, but also my best friend. She was one of those people he was charming—she was apart of the madness. She knew he was my boyfriend but chose to go behind my back and chose to loose a best friend due to an empty relationship. He brought other girls into the madness too, and they had no idea that I was his girlfriend.
I asked endless questions because I heard many accusations about what he was doing with who knows who. Of course, he would tell me they were lying and wanting to break us up because of the good thing we had. He showered me with gifts to get my mind off of what he was actually doing; it worked. I was love struck so I believed everything he said. I never thought I would be put in that kind of situation, and if I was I thought I would walk away without thinking twice. This happened for 3 ½ years; almost my entire high school career. I finally got the courage to leave him after all that time and an amazing amount of tears. It was the hardest but easiest decision I have ever made.
He constantly accused me because of his insecurity. He blamed me for what he did and told me I was what made him do it. He tried to make me feel as low as possible so I would feel like I needed him. He tried to win over my family and friends so I had no one; it didn’t work. He made his family turn against me, and they won’t communicate with me because he told them lies so the blame wouldn’t be on him. He thought I would take him back, but this time… it was for real. I realized I deserved better, to be loved, and treated with respect.
Even though this was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life I have learned so much from this. Without this happening to me I don’t think I would be the person I am now. Five months has went by and this is the happiest him of my life. I now know what I deserve and I can recognize love. Without this heartache my future relationships would not be able to succeed because I would not recognize the things I need and deserve; this may have happened all over again if I have not had this experience. I have learned a lot and never again will I let myself be disrespected in that way. Because of this, I will know what to do to make my future relationships work, and I will know how to love someone with all I have; no exceptions. This I believe would not be possible without a heartache.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.