This I Believe

Katie - New Lenox, Illinois
Entered on February 2, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: setbacks

When I was a young teenage girl, I believed in true love. And apparently, I thought everyone found it in high school. Ever since I was younger, I had an amazing older sister, but to everyone else, a gorgeous one. So right away I learned to be inferior to her and I knew I had met my competition. Boy did I loose, a lot. In my mind for me, finding a guy was the hardest thing I was going to have to do. Until one day, it was as easy as pie. I met the one person that I knew was going to be someone special. He was going to be my special someone.

For the next five months, it was like I was living on a cloud. Completely restless but stable. I was the happiest I had ever been in my whole entire life. For once in my life, I was the gorgeous one. I felt so powerful, no one could stop me and no one would. I could conquer the world if I had to. Everyday was filled with new experiences, laughter, and love. He knew me like no one ever would, he saw my happiness and he saw my pain. Little did I know, it would soon come crashing to a complete stop. Every day that used to be filled with happiness was now replaced with sadness, crying and hysteria. After, I was faced with the most difficult question. How, and could I ever give up someone or something that made me so incredibly happy five months ago? The answer is, I still don’t know and couldn’t even tell you. I grew up quickly in the months following because I now had to overcome something that was even greater than me, love.

As the months past, I was miserable. I lost my friends, my grades suffered, and I was suffering. I refused to even think about anything else or other possibilities. My heart was set on this person and this person alone. I was wishing for something that would never come. Down the road, I realized what I had to do. To get over everything, I would have to let go. This was the scariest thing to think about because to me, I always thought that by letting go, meant forgetting. But I know now, I could never forget. No one ever forgets their first true love.

I look back at all the old photographs, the old notes, and all the old memories. Sometimes I still laugh and sometimes I still cry as if all of it only happened yesterday. I see the future and I see the past. I know it must seem like a tragedy, but I see it as an experience I had to go through to really appreciate the things and people in life. As time goes by, sometimes you hate the only thing you love.