I remember as a child of eight, coming home from school one day and running straight to my hamster Bruno’s cage. I had always picked her up in her sleep so she would not bite me when she awoke. I picked her up and realized she was no longer with me. This was my first experience with death. I remember the warm tears running down my face as my mother tried to sooth my heartbreak.
I believe in the fragility of life. No one knows when the day that they will no longer be on this earth. Every breath I take I am consumed with the thought that it will be my last. My parents always tell me I worry too much about things I cannot possibly know.
I have had diabetes for eighteen of the twenty years of my life. Four years ago, my endocrinologist told me that because of my previous doctor’s mistakes with my insulin doses that I probably would die within ten years. That moment was the beginning of my obsession.
I want to experience everything I possibly can as soon as possible. I want to spend time with my family, travel the world, graduate from college, marry the man I love, and have a family. I am just not sure that I will do some of these things. It consumes me everyday that to do the things I want to do I must sacrifice other things on my list. I cannot do all at once.
Thinking about the fragility of life makes me want to be a better person. I try to be patient, courteous, and helpful to everyone I see. I love to cheer people up and make them laugh. Laughter is always better than tears. Every time I see someone I know I make sure to give them a hug. I tell my friends and family that I love them everyday.
I do these things because I never know when I will no longer be around. No one wants to die filled with hatred and regretting what they have or have not done in their life. I certainly do not. I will not live forever and maybe I will die tomorrow, but I will know that I have tried my best to be the best I can be.
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