I believe in total uncertainty. Uncertainty has become a way of life for me because I’m a college student. I haven’t chosen a major yet because I don’t know what I want to be when I “grow up”. I hope some innate guiding force will lead me to this answer. Late at night, I wonder if such a guiding force would be in the religion I was taught as a little kid. I wonder about the existence of Heaven and Hell, the existence of God, what religion I should believe, and the consequences of my current actions according if I choose to believe in God.
I wake up, refreshed and as uncertain about what the upcoming day has in store for me.
When I woke up to return to college, I didn’t expect to run into a concrete divider on the highway. Although it was sleeting and I had passed a sand truck, I didn’t think that I could have had a wreck because I am a careful, female driver. Then, I was bouncing around on the highway between the concrete divider and the guardrail. Seeming to circle endlessly, I had no idea if a Semi would hit me, or if that guardrail would break and my car go tumbling down the hill.
Neither happened; I just slowed to a stop on the shoulder of the road.
It could have be God’s protection, luck, or coincidence that the span of highway my wheels slipped on was empty for the few miles ahead and behind me. Once I drove my car off the highway and felt the Semi trucks scuttling by, I didn’t know what to do next. It was sure nice of the sand truck driver to stop and help get me a safe distance away from the road. It was also nice of the wrecker to stop although he was on his way to an accident, call in my accident to the highway patrol and call another wrecker to tow me to school.
But what if those gentlemen had decided not to help me?
I would have had to make a decision. The future is uncertain, and I am afraid. Uncertainty is often grim, because it seems like I won’t have control such as when my car was spinning around the highway. Now I have to choose what my major will be. This will shut the door to many possibilities, but provide more focused opportunities. If I choose to believe in God, I will have to start behaving by the tenets of that belief. I believe in uncertainty because it forces me to make the decisions that will define who I am.
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