You know when you feel settled into a spot; perhaps on your couch, or favorite armchair, perhaps the corner of your bed? And then you move and you want to re-settle into that comfortable spot, but you just can’t find it. That’s the way I’ve felt since I got married a year and a half ago.
Just when I feel that we’ve worked out an issue, achieved a resolution and we can now go on cruise-control, something shakes me up. And I can never quite regain that ‘comfortable spot.’ Let me give you an example. After dinner, I like to settle into my side of the bed with a book, or sometimes my laptop. I like to read and browse and let my mind wander. Inevitably, my husband will walk in, turn the overhead light off and switch on the table lamps. “Don’t burn out all those bulbs, just use the reading lamp.” “It’s not enough light!” I’ll protest. “It’s not called a reading lamp for nothing,” he’ll respond. Right then- you see, I’ve been ousted from my comfortable spot and can’t quite reclaim it. It’ll happen at other times as well. I started a new job. It was a different culture than my previous work environment. More intense; be the first one there, and the last one to leave. Luckily, I’m a morning person and leaving early meant that I could beat the traffic to work as well. My husband has only a two-block commute to work. What can I say? He built the house and settled down before I married him. But such was his fate that he made a career move to be on a cutting-edge new program; and it landed him a full 20 mile commute from home. Now, I had established my rhythm; up at 5:50, out by 6:20. Everything was well-timed and perfectly established. Brush, shower, makeup, dress, pack my lunch, a hug goodbye to my sleeping husband and of course listen to NPR on my commute to work. And then- I got unsettled from my comfortable ‘spot.’ My husband decided he wanted to commute with me. After all, he reasoned, his work was on the way to my work. ‘But my schedule!’ I protested silently. Now he beats me to the shower and I barely have enough hot water. He uses my towel half the time, and now that I think of it, he probably did this before but I never realized it since it dried by the time I got home. And inevitably, he holds me up and I can’t get out by 6:20 anymore. And he likes to listen to cd’s on the way to work. Blasphemy! So once again, I’m ousted from my comfortable schedule. I just can’t seem to re-settle into my comfortable spot. But I’d like to think that as time goes on in my marriage; maybe a year from now, maybe five, I will achieve that comfortable spot again. This I believe.
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