This I Believe

Mary - Durango, Colorado
Entered on January 28, 2007
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: change

I believe something most people probably do not; I understand that this may surprise you, whoever you are. Whether you agree or not I want you to just take a moment and pause, think. I believe regret is a waste of time. At one time you really did want whatever you did, if it was to buy one shirt that wasn’t on sale or it was a forced decision between two children. At that fateful moment you wanted one more than the other, no matter how much you probably wish you hadn’t, you did, and you should accept that.

At one time I wanted love from someone I somehow knew wasn’t the one for me. I don’t regret this, but I most definitely do not wish to repeat the experience. This person wasn’t who he said he was, there was so much underneath that I was never told. Feeling your heart pound so hard from fear that you could swear it will stop from overwork any moment was something that I became familiar with. Feeling the hands of someone you thought you loved and trusted closed around your neck, and squeezing the air from your body. Barely escaping to cry, hiding in terror that it will happen again. To be promised it will never happen again, to be struck across the cheek by someone who bears the face of someone you loved. Some say it’s a disorder called schizophrenia, others would say its just how that person is. Having the good friend I thought I trusted attempt to kill me is what happened.

There were times I thought to myself if it really was happening. Was I just in a terrible dream? The bruises on my neck told me otherwise, the pounding fear all to real for a dream confirmed every terror. I cried and cried, I regretted ever loving him, I regretted ever trusting someone so entirely as I did. Every moment for a month I wished I could just make it all go away. Having to tell my parents that the boy I thought cared tried to kill me. At one time I wanted to believe that it was really just a dream, or that really it was just some completely involuntary act. Maybe it was, but when you have the one you love screaming things as though he wishes to rip out your throat, you really wonder what sort of terrible things really lie in that persons heart. I still do not regret. I fear, remember, and live to tell others what this has done for me. I am the person I am today, confident, strong, and striving to reach my goals because at one time I cried, loved, and was fooled by someone I thought loved me.

This is what I believe, this is true. Regret is not for me, I don’t know about you. I am who I am today because of what happened; to regret what changed your life would be to regret life itself.