I believe in OPEN ADOPTION!
Our twins’ birth mom already knew the challenges of single parenting. The birth father of our children was out of the picture before the first signs of pregnancy appeared, and her own parents could not offer any more help than they were already giving. She was courageous enough to know what she couldn’t do. So, her doctor referred her to an attorney specializing in adoption, and he introduced her to my husband and me. She later told us that one of the reasons she chose us as the children’s parents was because we were willing to maintain contact with her.
One of my siblings was nervous when he heard that we remained in contact with the birth mom. He asked if we were worried that, with information about the children, she would feel the tug to come back for them. Nothing could be further from the truth! You see, through our on-going contact, we know about the challenges she continues to face in her life. She has told us that she is at peace with the decision she made, and so we don’t worry. THAT is a gift to us! And by keeping our promises about staying in touch, we have helped her to realize that we genuinely care about her; THAT is a gift to her.
It is often said that adopted children, particularly in their adolescent years, face more identify issues than children growing up in their biological families. They wonder where they came from, why they were placed for adoption, and what their birth family is like. Well, you know what? In an open adoption, there are no secrets! Our twins have photos of their birth family, and letters and gifts from their birth mom. They will never have to wonder! We can even obtain detailed medical information that we wouldn’t think to ask for unless it becomes necessary. And, someday, when the children decide they are ready to meet her in person, we will not have to drain our financial and emotional resources in the frustration of a long search.
I rejoice that these children are ours, growing up in our home and filling our lives with all the experiences of family. I rejoice that they are emotionally secure, and that their birth mom does not have to endure, for decades, the tragic void of not knowing where they are and how they’re doing, as her counterparts did in the days of closed adoption. And I rejoice for the sake of my husband and me, who do not have the dark cloud of worry hanging over our heads.
Open adoption allows all of us to go about our lives without fear of disruption. We are all at peace, free to live and love.
Open adoption has been a life-affirming experience for us, the birth mom, and our children. . . this I believe.
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