This I Believe

Jason - Lenexa, Kansas
Entered on January 26, 2007

The Other Side

Once you think you have hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I strongly connect to this, no matter how had a situation is, everything seems to come together and become better again. It’s all a matter of how you chose to deal or cope with what has happened.

In the 2005-2006 school years I thought I had hit rock bottom, like nothing was going right, nothing was working out for me at all. Everything that could have had a bad outcome to it did. I felt that I was losing grip on life, on reality even. Thinking back to those moments and remembering how I was makes me think about how strong I’ve become because of it.

August 2, 2005… the day the only person I had ever trusted completely with my life had moved to Florida, half way across the country, the day it all started going down hill. Just two weeks later my brother goes off to college in Manhattan, KS at Kansas State University, only 2 hours away, but still 2 hours from me, 2 hours from the fun we had. I thought I could take it, 2 of the 3 people I could talk to in life were gone, two months later, on October 15, the 3rd person goes, Erin Cook, my girlfriend of along time, I remember dates for some reason, that was the day we broke up. It wasn’t just a simple one; it was incredibly hard for me. It was the day I thought I had lost everything now. It wasn’t because of her; it was the fact of losing those three people.

Now it felt like I had nothing, no one trustworthy, nothing at all. Just as I was about to give up, I thought to myself, “Can’t break me down”, ask myself “what if I laughed it all in your face?” I went out and hung out with some random people, I came across one friends in particular, that I could relate to, that’s when the new group started, that’s when things were getting better, until November, around my birthday, I had gotten 3 stomach ulcers while in Florida, turns out they were caused by depression and stress. Months go by, started an uplifting, my home boys and I started to become better friends, considering our grade turned against us because of some incident that happened, so pretty much all we had was each other to hang out with and depend on, except the people from different schools. Finally February 26 came, baseball tryouts, I was excited, making JV freshman year I thought I had a chance at varsity, considering I started JV every game and had only 3 errors, a .341 BA, 19 stolen bases, a pretty good season. So I had a pretty good try out, I thought my try out was better then my freshman years, turns out I am the last person cut and 2 other people make it that got cut the year before, I lost it, not only sad, but I was spinning in a dimension of pissed off I had never been in before, it started, a self-destructive pattern. After thinking back, that was my turning point, I had completely deleted my past, using some bad ways to do it, but it worked. “What about the other side?” I said to myself, its time to go there. I once heard, “smart people learn from there own mistakes, wise people learn from everyone else’s, be wise” – Jason Miller. I learned from my own and the people that had committed or attempted suicide, I didn’t want to be like that. Picking things out one by one, turning bad memories into good, helped once you hit rock bottom, all you can do is go back up. First thing I played for a competitive baseball team that would play west, we played them and won 14-2, first thing that happened well in awhile. Summer 06’, a summer to remember, everything skyrocketed from there. It is time to sit still just in time to see the summer sunrise and sing songs about the other side.