This I Believe
I believe that I was meant to be a mother. When I was a little girl, I don’t know that I ever knew for certain what I wanted to be when I grew up, but there was always something internal that told me I was destined to be a mom. My entrance into motherhood came unexpectedly at age 16. I welcomed a gorgeous baby girl into my life, only to lovingly place her in her adoptive parent’s arms five days later. I realized that I was not prepared to care for her, so I chose to mother her in the best way I knew how, for the short time that I had her. I took on my role of birthmother with every bit as much strength, determination and love that I have as a mom, today and regardless of the timing; I really did enjoy my pregnancy. Even at 16, every flutter and roll that I felt inside of me, made me appreciate the awesome responsibility that motherhood brings with it and I fell in love with my child, before I even saw her sweet face. It was this enormous love for my daughter that reinforced the decision to make a plan of adoption for her.
My next experience was that of a single mother. Having finished high school and a good part of college, I chose to marry my daughter’s birthfather. A few years later, we welcomed a beautiful baby boy into our lives and this time the experience for me was joyful beyond measure. My feet hardly touched the ground for the entire nine months that I carried him and I can’t even begin to describe the elation that I felt as I left the hospital with baby cradled in my arms, knowing without a doubt that I was ready to be his mommy and that this time, there would be no goodbyes. I poured myself into my new role whole heartedly, while gradually realizing that my marriage had been deteriorating for quite some time. In the end came separation, eventually divorce and I officially became a single mother. I still look back on the couple of years when it was just me and my little guy and I think…God, how did I handle that? Even now, I feel tired when I recall that time in my life…but I am confident that I still mothered my little boy with all of the love and strength that I could possibly give him. The decision to leave an unhappy marriage, although difficult, allowed me the opportunity to grow and learn more about myself and as a result, it strengthened who I was as both a woman and a mother.
My third, and most likely final, experience with motherhood came just 18 months ago. Happily married, with my husband Evan by my side, we welcomed another beautiful baby boy into the world. Evan came into my life unexpectedly and I will forever be thankful for that day and for those who played a part in our finding each other. He stepped into life with my son and me with such ease and with love to spare. After a few years together, we celebrated our life as a family with a wonderful wedding surrounded by our friends and loved ones and two years later, along came the littlest member of our brood. Once again, the experience was different. Deciding to have a baby, the nine months of growing our little guy, bringing him into this world and parenting with the love of my life, a man who is my partner in every sense of the word, has been more amazing than I had ever imagined it would be.
My life is fulfilling, at home, at work and in my relationships. I enjoy every day (even the crazy ones) with my family, watching my boys grow and change and I hope to be lucky enough to meet my daughter again one day. I believe that I was meant to be a mother. I also believe that in my journey from birthmother, to single mother, to happily married mother, that I have always kept my little one’s best interests at heart and that if I leave nothing other than my three beautiful children as my contribution to this world, they will be more than enough.
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