This I Believe

Julie - Beaumont, Texas
Entered on December 28, 2006
Age Group: 65+

Beliefs are often the foundations of our lives. They are what define us and keep us standing upright when life gets hard. Sometimes they are the only thing that can keep us going.

I believe in fidelity; I believe that when you stand before God and family and friends and promise to remain faithful to one person during your marriage, it counts for something. I believe that fidelity is the basis for trust, compassion, support and friendship in a marriage, and when fidelity is breached, trust, compassion, support and friendship fly out the window .

I believe in fidelity, unfortunately, my husband did not. At a difficult time in our marriage when we were unable to reach out to each other, he reached out to someone else. Now we stand in the ruin of a 27 -year relationship trying to rebuild. We stand on shaky ground, his betrayal has cut me deep and left me confused and scared. For reasons I don’t totally understand, I feel ashamed and dirty. I feel that the sin is visible on my face. I want to be hide , I have withdrawn from my life as if I don’t belong to there anymore.

Can this be saved, is it worth saving, is it possible to forgive and trust again. These are questions I have asked myself daily for almost a year. The answer must be yes because we are still together, trying to find a way out of the heartache and back to something to be proud of. I know it will be a different relationship than we had we had before his affair. It will take a long time, but hopefully it will be an honest, caring, loving and strong marriage again someday.

I still believe in fidelity. I believe in my vow of for better or worse, I just really never believed that this would be the worst. I believe in forgiveness, redemption and seco